FIRST POSTED BY WKTV.COM
Survivor Malissa Liddy shared her story with us in the first part of our in depth look into domestic violence. In part two, we hear from those who are on the front lines of domestic violence, the police, the YWCA, and the shelters, and also those who helped Liddy rebuild her life and how she pays it forward.
Three in 10 relationships are effected by domestic violence, according to New York State statistics, and 80 percent of the victims are women.
Yorkville Police Chief Gregg DeLuca said, “The kids will pick up very quickly and model the behavior of the parents because if they grew up in abusive homes, they think it’s normal.”
Executive Director of the YWCA of the Mohawk Valley Dianne Stancato said, “If they live in a violent home, a controlling home, something that’s not healthy, they don’t know any different, so often it’s a repeating cycle of violence.”
The National Center for Children and Families reports DV poses a serious threat to children’s emotional, psychological, and physical well-being, particularly if the violence is chronic.
Malissa Liddy is a survivor of domestic violence, and had two young children, at the time of her abuse.
“Your kids, they grow so fast. And the things that my daughter went through I can never take back. The things that my son went through I can’t take those back. And it’s very hard for me as a mother to think that I let them go through that. I can rationalize it and understand it, but still deep down in my heart it’s hard to forgive myself,” said Liddy.
And it’s still a major problem in our area say experts, and often it can lead to homelessness.
Patricia Witt is the Director of the Emmaus House in Utica and says she’s seen the problem over and over again in her 25 years long career.
“I see so many women that are PTSD in this shelter from being beaten down, year after year. And it’s something that’s insidious, that steals into your bones, that becomes difficult to get free from,” said Witt.
“Learn to understand the signs of domestic violence. It’s happening around you, and it’s prevalent in every circle, culture, class,” said Stancato.
“I think the problem is worse than the numbers indicate, and many of these cases are not even reported,” said Chief DeLuca.
Each time police get a call, even if charges are not filed, a domestic incident report (DIR) is filed with the New York State.
“You build a track record. It gives the police an idea of who frequently is involved in these type of incidents.
On her path to rebuilding, Malissa Liddy found respite with a woman she met through her job as a stylist, a woman she now works for, Maria Tucci.
For more than 50 years Tucci has helped many victims at her salon in South Utica, sometimes providing a service free of charge, and giving these women a kind word, a hug, and some guidance.
“My clients, many of them, have been abused. I’ve seen abuse. There’s been abuse in my life, and I’ve seen it as a child. So I recognize it when somebody’s hurting. And the real fact is, it doesn’t have to happen. There’s no excuse for it, and there is a way out. You have to want it though,” said Tucci.
“She takes care of everybody. She’s a nurturer,” said Liddy of Tucci.
And on any given day, you can catch the two of them in the basement between clients, cooking comfort food. This is for their clients, for themselves, and for anybody who drops in.
Tucci said the food is representative of love and warmth.
“Even though I grew up poor, we always had food. And it brought people together,” said Tucci.
Stancato said, if you are a domestic violence victim or you know somebody who is, you are encouraged to come forward and get the help from the YWCA. The organization provides navigation through the courts, explanations of orders of protection, housing, clothing, food, and counseling… and it’s all free of charge.
“There is a better way to live. It’s not easy, but there are lots of people who can help. We can’t come and get you. You are going to have to go to a phone, pick it up, and make a call,” said Witt.
For help:
Website: www.ywcamv.org
Oneida County – (315) 797-7740
Herkimer County – (315) 866-0458
Utica – (315) 732-8760