FIRST POSTED BY WKTV.COM
UTICA, NY – Malissa Liddy is a stylist, a graphic artist, a mother, a daughter. She’s also a survivor of domestic violence. It’s an issue that still fills up shelters and keeps the YWCA and police in our area busy. Liddy spoke with NEWSChannel 2 spoke about her experience and the cycle of abuse.
“I became a person that I did not recognize,” said Liddy.
Domestic violence can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, race, religion, class or ethnicity, according to New York State statistics, and 80 percent of cases reported are by women
“It seems easy to think that you can just get in your car and drive away, but it isn’t. It’s not. You’re frozen, and your mind is frozen. And you feel so beaten down,” said Liddy.
According to the State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, women are much more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence, whether it’s physical, emotional, financial or a combination.
Liddy says it began like all relationships do, with attraction, kindness, affection, but six months later it took a turn.
“I didn’t understand why he didn’t trust me all of a sudden. He would question me constantly, and there was no answer he was happy with,” said Liddy.
She had two young children at the time, a son and a daughter. Her abuser also had a young daughter, who lived with them part of the time.
“The first time it was really violent, he came in the house and asked me where I had been and who I was with. I didn’t know what he was talking about because I was home with the two girls, and I was home working… for him. And then he came out from the other room, and threw me against the wall. When the first incident happened there was a period of time when nothing happened.. Then something else happened. Then it became more and more intense,” said Liddy.
Domestic violence is about manipulation, intimidation, and control through violence which intensifies over time.
“He would apologize and say things would be okay. And he would go buy me things. And things would be fine for a while. It’s like the honeymoon period, you know, I’m sorry I’ll never do it again, and then it happens again. And after years, it just got to the point where I thought my life could be in danger,” said Liddy.
After repeated calls to a local women’s shelter, Liddy was given space for herself and her two children. But she had to escape, and soon, without alerting her abuser. She left with a few meager belongings and her kids.
“You’re in that dark place with other women who’ve been there. And you’re all trying to overcome this… thing. At least I felt like my kids were safe, and I was safe. A I started to have hope again,” said Liddy.
Liddy says, with tears in her eyes, that she has many regrets. The biggest, that both her children, especially her daughter was traumatized.
“It effected both her and my son. My son is very forgiving, but my daughter was right in the midst of it. I had the mindset that a lot of women in this instance do. They have the mindset that he’s doing it to me, not my daughter, but that’s not true. They absorb everything,” said Liddy.
And she has some advice for those who are still suffering from an violent partner.
“If you think you’re going back to an abusive relationship, don’t do it because your kids will never be the same. You will see them change, and it will have repercussions forever,” said Liddy.
In part two of NEWSChannel 2’s in depth look into domestic violence, we speak to those on the front lines of this issue.
Also, we investigate how the cycle of violence wreaks havoc on the most vulnerable, the children.
We also hear from those who helped Malissa Liddy rebuild her life, and pay it forward.
For help:
Oneida County – (315) 797-7740
Herkimer County – (315) 866-4120
Utica – (315) 732-8760
Website: www.ywcamv.org